


Taming of the Agent

by roguebowtie



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Taming of the Shrew - Shakespeare, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Gen, I Believe in Jasper Sitwell, I had far too much fun writing this, M/M, Thor should tell all the stories, and also retelling shakespeare, it's all clark gregg's fault, storytime with thor, that's what this is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-21
Updated: 2014-07-21
Packaged: 2018-02-09 19:51:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1995717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roguebowtie/pseuds/roguebowtie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“Now, I shall tell you a tale.  This is a tale long past telling, as it has been a decade since the events took place.  Many of you shall be amazed at what I am about to recollect - though I would wager there are those of you who remember how things once were.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>  <i>“This, then, is the tale I call ‘The Taming of the Agent’.”</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Taming of the Agent

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AlyKat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlyKat/gifts).



> I am absolutely serious when I say you should [Blame Clark Gregg](https://twitter.com/clarkgregg/status/347498250737180672) for this one. I wrote it in June 2k13, then re-found it yesterday and fixed it up. Seriously, it's a lot better now that Thor's telling it :).

_“Now, I shall tell you a tale. This is a tale long past telling, as it has been a decade since the events took place. Many of you shall be amazed at what I am about to recollect - though I would wager there are those of you who remember how things once were._

_“This, then, is the tale I call ‘The Taming of the Agent’.”_

* * *

SHIELD was not what anyone had thought it would be once one had joined their number. Her very being was not secret, any more than her sisters TORCHWOOD or UNIT were - though her machinations did, even then, remain unknown to the general populace. It was in those days that people did not know of meta-humanity, nor of Aliens from beyond their atmosphere. Humanity was still young, then - so much younger than recent years have taught them to be. It was from the strange, the inexplicable, that the world and society were to be protected from. That was, indeed, her calling. To be a shield between that world, and the new world growing amongst them.

Three people did lead SHIELD, in those days. There was the head Director, Fury, a stern man who expected obedience without question and whose One Eye did see far more than many others would with their two. Also bearing the brunt of the SHIELD’s carry were the hands of Fury - the SHIELDman Phillip, Son of Coul, and Lady Maria of the Hill. They, as the left and right hands of Fury, also expected obedience without question, as well as fierce loyalty without regret.

There was a difference, in those days, between how the hands bearing the SHIELD did wield their exacting order. No, dear friends, it was not in gender, nor was it the Son of Coul’s near decade advantage of his fellow shield bearer. Both were ruthlessly efficient, even as they are now - and knew when to push those below them into getting the job done.

The Son of Coul, known to wear a small and ordinary smile while speaking words with a calm manner akin to that of a favored uncle, was to be feared. Behind such perceived kindness lay no mercy. There was no room for even the slightest error - and his tongue, forming words in a tone soft and pleasing to the ear, would cut you to ribbons far more efficiently than a blade wielded by the hand of a master interrogator.

Failing the Son of Coul meant leaving the brotherhood of SHIELD.

Failing the Lady Hill meant demotion of rank and far more work in the written word of papers than any one person should manage in one lifetime - she did never speak softly but ever sternly. One always knew where they stood under her gaze; unlike the Son of Coul, with his soft smile never leaving his lips as he verbally eviscerated the failed one, baring the soul to be cut to ribbons.

Leaving the brotherhood of SHIELD did not mean leaving to become one of the masses untouched by the larger world growing within their own. Leaving meant gibbering in disjointed tongue, unable to know one way from another - for the rest of one’s natural life.

In this time, three people came to SHIELD, new, and unaware of the potential danger she held in her Hands. Jasper Sitwell, the newly minted Agent, as well as his friend, myself, an other-worlder who happily did adopt him as my best human. He did not seem to mind, being strong of mind and body. His bright mind and talent in defence would assure his quick rise within the brotherhood of SHIELD. Presenting himself with a small smile, a pressed suit, and the most excellent and tantalizing of culinary bribery.

Upon first meeting the SHIELDmaiden, Lady Hill, Sitwell’s heart did see fit to grow strong in regard. He could not lay blame at the foot of developer’s biochemical machinations gone awry - for his heart did find love strong within him. All-encompassing was his need to win her regard, as well as her hand.

There were two great difficulties, believed to be insurmountable, barring the way of his great love.

Firstly, there were two men, scientists with minds as strong as his own, by the names of Stark and Banner - already vying for her much coveted attention.

Secondly, the Fury had made it SHIELD’s Law that if either of his hands were to marry, it would be in order from elder to younger - thus it would be the Son of Coul who would first enter matrimony. This was, indeed, most clever of Fury - for it was well understood that, in this way, the Director would keep his hands wed to their position in SHIELD. In no way would any sane being wish to pitch woo to such a man bearing a viciously sharp tongue wielded with soul-rending accuracy.

This did not change the mind of Sitwell, stalwart in heart and clever of mind. His love was so great, one may say he could barely see straight, in the colloquialisms of that time. Stark would, indeed, make the required spectacles joke, but he is not the one tasked with the telling of this tale.

Sitwell, the efficient Agent that he was, decided there were some options to his winning of the heart of Lady Hill, in hopes that the Son of Coul’s would take care of itself. He chose to work his best, to be _the_ best, such that Lady Hill would be unable to take her gaze from him.

Wooing her with his competence.

Also, of course, he would woo her with baked goods.

Stark and Banner’s rivalry then did extend to include Sitwell. They would claim a need to test every thing he gave to Lady Hill, for her safety against ill will. It was one thing to vie for her attention against one another, but this new man, this new element - so different from other scientists - was a far greater threat in that time. One to be watched, to be banded together against, if only because the new and unknown was to be distrusted until proven a true ally.

While continuing to win her affection, I, as Prince of Another World, did exchange knowledge of world protection with the leaders of SHIELD. As an excellent friend and SHIELDbrother, I did, on occasion, put good word of Sitwell to the ear of Fury, learning the truth in possibility of a match being made between Lady Hill and my friend.

However, the problem of the Son of Coul remained. How would one bring a man, ruthless, efficient, and without mercy, to the state of matrimony?

It was then a great boon was given to SHIELD in a recruitment made by the Son of Coul himself. Clinton Barton, expert marksman with the eye of a hawk. The recruitment of Hawk Eye was simple, and unsurprising to any who did know the Son of Coul. A gunshot wound to the leg, and a contract to be signed if he wished it to be tended. If left unsigned, Hawk Eye would be left on his own in enemy territory. Wounded, and without escape.

Of sound mind, Hawk Eye did indeed take the recruitment as a challenge, winked at the Son of Coul, and signed his life to SHIELD’s not entirely tender embrace.

Things continued on as they had before. Stark and Banner did vie for the attention of Lady Hill, and likewise did continue their attempts to discredit Sitwell. Instead of falling to their machination, Sitwell did rise above each attempted malignment, gaining the occasional smile for his effort.

Neither of the other scientists did gain a smile in their long attempts, and this did make them exceptionally ill of heart.

Disgruntled scientists apparently were more ingenuitive creators of weaponry, and thus Fury did not give concern, one way or another, about the dispute for the hand of Lady Hill.

It was in that time that Hawk Eye made known through the all encompassing communications of SHIELD, filtered even to those outside her walls, that he did intend to _Marry the Son of Coul._

Fury’s laughter was a punctuation to the announcement, and he did pop dried grains to celebrate the event that he declared would never occur.

We do, indeed, know whether that declaration held veracity - for that is the reason of our gathering.

The Son of Coul did, of course, call Hawk Eye into his office. Unusually, he left the communications line open, and the resultant argument had everyone exceptionally grateful they were not the quick-tongued archer.

It was to everyone’s surprise, and my great delight, that we then heard Hawk Eye’s retort.

Seventeen Junior Agents resigned from SHIELD after listening to their back and forth banter - far too traumatised to continue in the brotherhood. They received good ending payment and quiet houses in the most mundane of areas. Stark has named the area ‘The most Suburb Suburbia ever Suburbed’ - and while I do not understand the reference, I do realise this is considered amusing to the people of this world, and would share it with you as well.

Those young Junior Agents that did remain, immediately were promoted to the full rank of Agent for their stalwart hearts.

As for the Son of Coul and Hawk Eye, the traded evisceration led to pointed insult... which then did lead to simple, if creative and stomach churning (even to myself), threats that were more _promises_ than anything they might masquerade as.

Hawk Eye did declare, once more, that he would wed the Son of Coul, whether his superior approved or no. Of course the Son of Coul did protest that was not how SHIELD worked, but amused by the sheer audacity of it all, Fury declared he would officiate the ceremony, as this entire trading of promises was far too delightfully terrifying to leave unfinished.

The Son of Coul refused to change raiment, and stood scowling on the Hellicarrier bridge as he waited for Hawk Eye.

And Waited.

And Waited.

Believing he was being played for the greatest of fools, the Son of Coul immediately began planning his attack upon Hawk Eye in attempt to _destroy_ him, no matter how great an asset to the brotherhood of SHIELD he may be, when the man in question appeared with great fanfare.

Hawk Eye’s raiment was like none ever seen upon the great Helicarrier. His grin was bright as ever, and he wore a tunic of a deep purple whilst carrying his bow. He rode a bicycle that looked as though it had seen the anger of a compactor of trash on more than one occasion.

It was not until much later that those present, including myself, would wonder how a bicycle came to be upon the Helicarrier at all.

It was, of course, no matter to the Son of Coul. He refused to be made a fool, and rose to the challenge of joining life with the mad archer in spite of them both.

Fury of the One Eye did, of course, see far. He stranded the two of them upon an island, deserted of humanity, with only the Hawk Eye’s bow and a knife the Son of Coul did wield on the day he himself had joined the brotherhood of SHIELD.

While they were left without communication to the outer world, left to weather a time of no contact with any but each other - the rivalry between Stark, Banner, and Sitwell reached new levels, considering the caveat of the Son of Coul’s prior marriage was now dealt with.

* * *

_“Fury was interested to see which would finally gain the attention of Lady Hill once and for all - but that, of course, is not a part of this tale. It is with great joy that I ask you all to raise your glasses and, together with me, call good cheer down upon the heads of Hawk Eye and the Son of Coul on this, the celebration of their tenth year of joining. May the strength of their marriage continue to bring joy to their allies and terror to those that oppose them.”_

_“Hear hear! And also let’s not forget that tongue lashing has an ENTIRELY new meaning when it comes to these guys. Seriously, We don’t need to watch that.”_

_“Peace, Stark. Allow them to-”_

_“To what? Suck face? It’s their anniversary party, we get that - I’m just saying, nobody should have to watch them _do_ that. GET A ROOM!”_

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday, Aly!
> 
> Here's how I'm picturing the room at the end of the fic 
> 
> _Thor grinning with a raised stein, Tony making gaggy faces (from Bruce's lap), Jasper and Maria being cooly amused by it all (and holding hands with matching wedding bands), and Fury's all satisfied about it all. Phlint are totally sucking face while ignoring everything at their own anniversary party, because with everyone else there to watch their backs, it's totally okay. Phil is on Clint's lap. For reasons_.


End file.
